Health and Safety

What is happening with some companies these days? Why is it that some companies seem to view your safety and general health as an integral part of their function, to the point of an overbearing nanny. It’s certainly true that government hasn’t helped with a raft of legislation that seeks to make anybody responsible for an accident other than the stupid oaf who had it. Of course, sometimes it genuinely isn’t the injured persons fault, but quite often it is as a result of some flaw in the person that should justly be punished by the resultant injury.

At a time when environmentally friendly policies are all the vogue, why are we stepping away from nature in this area. Accidents are nature’s way of removing the dead wood from society. Whilst accident prevention has reached a highpoint of absurdity now, it has its roots many decades ago. Take the humble mains plug and socket design. The earth pin is longer than the positive and neutral pins to activate a shutter mechanism that enables the positive and neutral to make contact only when safe to do so. Why? To prevent people shoving objects (fingers, screwdrivers etc.etc.) into the positive and neutral holes and getting a nice electric shock. Personally, I feel the main error here is limiting the electric shock to 30amps. Fry ‘em, that’s what I say. Anyone stupid enough to do this deserves to be removed from the gene pool without delay.

At one company, they even cover their stairs with posters informing people how to walk and use the stairs. Well, if you don’t know how to walk properly or use stairs, you really do need eradication. A quick fall down a couple of flights, the resultant head impact with concrete and hey presto, nature at work. Of course, one could argue the posters are actually an insidious plot to help nature on its way. Anyone stupid enough to pay attention and read them must be at enhanced risk of falling and therefore their stupidity is justly rewarded with a quick trip (pardon the pun) to the morgue.

Reverse parking is another such example. Do you really care if you’re hit by someone driving forwards or backwards? No. Personally, I would rather be hit forwards so I can recognise the bastard and know who to get back or haunt. However, my injuries would be my own fault as anyone walking in a car park should be looking for moving cars at all times. Therefore, reverse parking is impacting the perfectly natural right to mow down anyone not paying sufficient attention to leap out of the way.

As most people have realised by now, nature knows best and will always win in the end. So, let’s stop fighting it. Sharp knives for cutting baguettes should be made freely available. Senior management had better watch out!! Smoking should be positively encouraged. Not only does it provide a great source of taxation, but it also helps increase pensions for non-smokers by eradicating part of the population before they can receive them. Imagine what your pensions payments would be like if everyone lived to 80!!

In short, nature should be embraced in the area of health and safety. Accidents are perfectly natural, nobodies fault and a fine method for thinning the population and eradicating the weak. Everybody should embrace and encourage this. Not only is it in their best interests (pensions etc.), but it also ensures the human race does not stagnate or go backwards by keeping these unfortunates alive. When you next see someone doing something stupid, turn away. You don’t have to watch nature at work, but neither do you have to interfere either.