Yorkshire

Today, I would like to pay homage to a great English county and its contribution to the UK and indeed the human race. Yorkshire has produced many fine people and made many a contribution to the sciences, arts etc., but some of its greatest inhabitants are slowly declining and may soon become extinct. I am, of course, referring to the little known Lesser Yorkshire Midget (affectionately known as the Yorkshire Terrier). Due to the effects of man on their native county, these creatures are becoming rare and may soon disappear all together. There are believed to be as few as 9 breeding pairs still in Yorkshire, but recent sightings, especially in the Havant/Southampton area, suggest some have migrated across large distances. Various explanations have been proposed for this, including searching for food, global warming, destruction of their native habitat and lack of stools for reaching high cupboards.

This decline is particularly sad in view of their history of dedicated service to the crown in Her Majesties Armed Forces, especially the army. Their small stature (some say as little as 3'4") has made stealth their friend with many an enemy blissfully unaware of their approach until a frenzied attack on their ankles. They are particularly at home in cold conditions and can be seen scaling large precipices of ice. This is surprising as the young lose much of their hair early in life. In an effort to keep warm, many a Yorkshireman has returned to his tea to find the cosy missing. Adept at swimming, they make superb frogmen with an ability to survive for hours on a thimble of air. Their expertise with explosives is legendary, although occasional excess has resulted in shattered windows, especially in harbour locations.

Yorkshire Midgets can be readily identified due to their small stature and unusual speech. Whilst related to English, it is believed to have developed separately for some time and many now believe only a Babel fish can act as a satisfactory translator. Whilst basically omnivores, their preferred foods are high in carbohydrates with the main liquid consumed being Yorkshire tea. Recent conservation attempts have included the introduction of a new hard water variety, but it appears to be having little effect.

Recreation is mostly spent on sporting activities with a particular liking for racket sports. This is surprising as their modest size and limited reach makes mobility around the court very important. Many a Yorkshire Terrier has been spotted sweating heavily and out of breath in the corner of a squash court whilst playing loftier opponents.